got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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