Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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