Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
