College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
