Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize