Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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