he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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