Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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