im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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