You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
