what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
