Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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