I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
