It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
