My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
