thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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