You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
