there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
