watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
