remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
