yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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