we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
