i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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