I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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