No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
