6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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