so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
People in love make me want to vomit
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
