it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
