He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
