90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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