Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
