I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
