But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
