So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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