Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
