if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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