I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
