Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
