I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
