she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
