i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
