it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
