idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
