Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
