Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
