Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
