Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
