i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
