He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
