I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
