he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
