this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
