god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
