Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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