I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
