no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
