i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
