Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
