just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
