I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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