It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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