I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
