the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
