Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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