the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
