Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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