I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
