those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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