I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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