Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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