Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
