if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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