Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
