I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
