And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
