no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
