i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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