So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
